May Nineteenth.

Trust in Him at ALL times, O people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Ps 62:8

That peak staring at me outside is created for my joy and for God to show himself as better, beautiful, and powerful. Today, I want to climb it for my joy. Today, I want to look at it and not use it as a way to show myself as adventurous or daring….. I want to climb it, get into it, and experience it all for my own joy and to know Him more.

Maybe I only feel this way because I’m reading a mountaineering book.

But seriously. Seriously….. He MADE that. Why am I only willing to trust Him to a point? When there’s ambiguity, I get anxious and worked up as if there wasnt Someone greater that ISNT uncertain, but knows just what is going on and how to take care of me through it.

I’ve recently been going through a season where my trust has been seriously tested. There’s been a lot of ambiguity both in my practical life and in the issues of the heart. Jesus keeps saying… NOELLE…. do you trust me?

Ha. So thankful for having to live these questions. So thankful to see my faith being brought through muck so that I can be brought to a place where I truly CAN say that I trust His words… I trust who He says He is…. I trust that He cares.

I said all those things before, but did I mean them? I’m not sure. Nothing has ever been so outside of my control until this season. It’s freaking hard. But when morning comes, it will be sweet–sweeter than it’s ever been.

And I’m thankful today because this season has brought me to where I am right now: thankful, sustained, trusting, and excited to know Him more and know what He has for me. I’m at a place where I”m excited about those mountains because HE made them. I’m excited about relationships because HE has called me to them. And that’s His plan for me. And it is GOOD.

Woot. Now onto mountaineering.

March one-five.

She just walked in. Dread locks… oversized, knitted sweater… and a deep frown that she tries to cover up when she sees me smiling at her.

She works next door at the Vintage consignment shop. She’s broken and beautiful…. and a gift to me today.

I’ve been inspired lately through various people, blogs and writings… and that inspiration has helped renew my perspective towards people, circumstances, and my daily grind called life.

Gifts. It’s a gift. Everything. Even these moments we call sufferings… they’re all GIFTS for “God works ALL things for our good”. What a gift it is that the Lord would bring each and every one of these individuals into my coffee shop, giving ME the privilege to interact and be apart of their lives, even if just for a moment.

Patrick, who just walked into my coffee shop (ironically), being one of them. He wears the same beat up leather jacket and leather cap every day and reeks of twelve packs of cigarettes. I used to grit my teeth when I saw him walking in, not prepared with the heart to deal with his rants about philosophy, politics or catholism that stem from a bipolar disorder that i often consider to be more like a ticking time bomb. He follows me around the shop talking to me about Kings of old, greek philosophers or how he wants to be with an oriental girl.

And he is a gift. He just smiled at me… “Hi Noelle,” he said. “I can’t stay long today, Noelle,… and you know I have a controlled anger, right Noelle?” Oh Patrick. Yes. Yes I know.

My sweet nanny kids… such gifts. They leave huge messes, bicker, and make me feel like I am going to be a horrible mother. But then I realize they leave messes because they’re human. Jesus picks up my messes in life every day.

And when tsunamis hit and children die… we see them as sufferings and trials, and so they are. But do we ever consider seeing them as gifts? Can gifts hurt?  We’re called to be countercultural… and there is no doubt in my mind that seeing sufferings as heavenly good, as something to actual have JOY in and through, is countercultural. I know that God is ALL good, and all things come from Him and are for Him. ALL things (Col 1:16). It’s for HIM. And He is love. All things that happen to me are out of LOVE. What of the pain, then? I believe so much of my pain results from MY rebellion against my loving Father. I expect God to save me from so many pains and trials and circumstances…. and I fail to realize everyday that He HAS saved me. I AM saved. The question isnt WHEN…. but that He IS. He is good and loving and feels our hurts with us. He is compassionate and gracious… slow to anger, rich in love.

“How are you?” I asked her, the dread lock beauty. “Mehhhh…. I need that muffin I think, lovey… and a LARGE mocha.” “One of those weeks?” I started praying. Lord, I want to help her, I want to be her friend. I want to pray for her. I grind the coffee. What should I say?

“You’re from Minnesota. So you must get the whole big family thing… ” and we started talking about her family’s expectations of her with her cousins wedding. “And of course this just seems to happen when everything else in life is a mess!” she said. My heart breaks. I know that feeling. “Is there anything I can do for you?” I ask her. “A heroine patch for my forehead?” We laugh. “Oh, this coffee will do. One of these days I promise I’ll come in here happy.” “Whatever, I love seeing you every time,” I say. “Oh honey you have no idea… I love walking in and seeing you back there. You’re my buddy. Thanks for everything.” She leaves.

A gift. She’s my gift today. And I want her to know the greatest gift. I serve because of how He serves me every day. I love because of how He loves me every moment. I dwell securely because He holds me. I walk with hope because He is preparing a place for me.

Thankful for today…. whatever it brings.

Especially the gift of a mother. Happy birthday mom

February Twenty-sixth

Aaaaaaaadventure. What is it? What defines it? It’s been on my mind a lot lately. I thrive off of adventure, taking risks, and going against the crowd, and lately I’ve been itching for something like that.

Joel Groten inspired Dana and I last year when we were on the train back from Kanjanaburee,in Thailand. Joel was my teaching partner, my fellow climber, donald-miller obsessor… you get the picture. He, being one of the most adventurous guys I know, said his dad really challenged him when he said that the “greatest adventure can be love”.

Corny in some ways, I know, but I remember thinking for the first time that adventure didnt have to be extravagant. That was new to me. Not that love isnt extravagant, but I realized adventure didnt have to be climbing a mountain, or running a race, or traveling to an exotic place…. as sweet and epic as those things are.

So…. ever since I’ve been seeking to live for the extravangant and exciting when I can, but at the same time I’ve realized the mundane and simple can be an adventure, too.

I say all this for no reason at all, really. I’ve been staring at the mountains outside my window for WEEKS and havent been able to get into them at all. They’re beautiful to look at, but I didnt realize how the busyness of life can actually make taking a 20-30 minute trip into them (plus however long of a hike) really inconvenient sometimes. I’ve been itching for them.

Not itching a change, just a thrill. My friends last night asked me what my greatest fear was, and I told them it was feeling “stuck” in life, or bored. I’m afriad of looking back and regretting NOT doing something, or feeling like I’m in a place in life that I feel I can’t get out of and that the extravangant isnt possible for me. But the Lord may call me to that. He may call me to live in small, hick down in Iowa raising 5 kids… I’m doubtful of it, but He may. That’s another tangent. Moving on!

But seriously…. what constitutes as “adventurous”? I think some of the relationships I’ve formed in the past six months  have been incredibly adventurous. PEOPLE are thrilling. PEOPLE are extravangant. There is so much to know about a person.

Relationships are also an adventure because you don’t know where they’ll be taken. You don’t know how far or deep they’ll go, or how long they’ll last. Some friends will last years and years, others just stick around for the day or two you spend with them (mission trips, waitresses at restaurants, random friends you make on hikes, etc).

So all that being said, I am going to spend my weekend trail running, 4-wheeling, shooting guns, playing broomball in the mountains, and enjoying the adventurous relationships I have been given through it all.

What sort of unexpected adventure are you living in right now? Are you about to leave the country? Did you jsut make a new friend? Did you try a new beer you didnt think you’d try? I got a good friend to step out of her miller lite kick and try something a little darker and TRUST ME… that was quite the adventure.

Sometimes blogging feels so corny.

Noelle

“Consider the work of God: who can make straight what He has made crooked?” –Ecc 7:13

I’ve spent a lot of this past year dwelling on the crookedness of life. That’s not to say I’ve been a pessimist, but it is to say I’ve allowed myself to ask really difficult questions. Sex-trafficking is just plain crooked. So are child soldiers and genocide and slavery. I’ve spent a lot of the past few weeks wrestling with how all of this crookedness can happen in so many areas of the world, and how life can seem so mundane and simple for someone like me.

I’m at a point where I’m done feeling the intense guilt for eating a cheeseburger when an orphan in China dies of malnutrition. I dont say that to be heartless, I say it to tell you how this reality of life has deepened in me as of late. I’ve really wrestled with the guilt of my so-called extravagant life, but for what? To what end? What does feeling guilty do about anything? Honestly, I’ve noticed that if anything, guilt paralyzes. It makes me feel small, weak, and suffocated. I want to remember that child dying of malnutrition and switch my thoughts from “it’s not fair…” to “What can I DO? How can I be a steward of this knowledge and actually make a difference?”

I realize that’s weighty, but really. I have had an intense desire to raise awareness about the injustice of our world for over a year…not long. Before that, I was completely ignorant to the extent of what actually goes on all over the globe–and not just overseas. Now, I am a steward of this knowledge that has been given to me. Jesus has allowed me to see some of the sickest realities of this world, and how evil has serious corrupted people to do unimaginable things to some of the weakest, most vulnerable people. And as I see these, I read verses like the one above and I so easily question. I ask God WHY. Why do you allow such crookedness? WHY do you allow 2 million children to be exploited into sex slavery? Why do you allow 27 MILLION men, women and children to be held as slaves? Slaves treated more horribly and under worse conditions than during the trans-Atlantic slave-trade?

Then I read passages like I did the other day. Exodus 2:23 “…the people of Israel groaned because of their slavery and cried out for help. Their cry for rescue from slavery came up to God. And God heard their groaning, and God remembered His covenant…”
The Lord hears and He rescues, but just as He entrusts us with His Gospel, to spread it throughout the world, so I believe He has entrusted us to take that Gospel to the physical realm and to pursue justice in the world. How did the Lord answer the plea of the Israelites? He used Moses. HE did. Moses clearly wasnt the savior–God was, but God used MOSES to carry out justice.

I totally planned on this blog entry being about what the Lord is doing in my life and teaching me specifically… but this all kind of came out. My mind has recently been very distracted and busy. I really believe the Lord is calling me to a season of listening, a time to slow down. I’m flipping thoughts around in my mind like a picture book and haven’t been able to rest in Jesus and who He is for me because of all of it. Yesterday I went on a hike/trail run at Garden of the gods and, as corny as this sounds, I realized how hard it was for me to JUST HIKE. I wanted to run… and run… and I couldnt stand just WALKING. I think it was the perfect image for my life. I can’t stop. I always have to be doing SOMETHING. That’s why I never finish books or have an organized room or why my laundry piles up until i literally have NOTHING to wear–I feel like a day at home is a wasted day.

All that to say, amidst all the busy-ness of my life and mind, I need to now finally just take time to slow it down and allow my thoughts and processes to actually take root and go somewhere. I’ve been dwelling on my place here in Colorado, my place in the world and all it’s injustice, my place in people’s lives and how to deal with relationships…. and now that I’ve spent time dwelling on those things, I’m asking the Lord to show me what to do with the thoughts practically. And I may not get answers for a while, but I feel very clearly that I just need to listen now.

So pray for me. Listening is NOT my forte. Ugh.

Recent Joys:

My roommate. She has a heart of gold. I could not imagine a better one. She’s intentional, sweet, an amazing listener, has an incredible heart of prayer and is such a servant. A few examples? Okay! Last week I had an incredibly long day in multiple ways and as I walked through the front door she greeted me with bubble tea. Yes, bubble tea. I think my day was instantly better. Second example: coming home Monday evening to a gourmet vegetarian meal of couscous stuffed peppers, salad, garlic bread and wine. Seriously. Not only that but she is so intentional about praying together and following up with me when I ask her to pray for something. Gosh. Never living with anyone else but Monica again. Nope.

My job(s): Raven’s Nest has always been phenomenal, as you all well know. But recently it’s been so sweet to actually see my relationships with my customers become genuine. I also started a nanny job two weeks ago–3 kids ages 5, 5 and 8. The youngest ,Tariku, was adopted from Ethiopia, and his sisters Lily and Ella are just precious. Ben and Amy–their parents–are unbelievably wonderful and I could not imagine a better family to nanny for! Honestly!

Relationships here: 3 good friends went out of their way this past Sunday to come over (on their day off) and fix my car. Thank you Micah, Austin and Luke. I was so blessed by the selfless act. Heather, my friend that is actually sitting next to me right now, is at my coffee shop nearly every day at 5 am. She is such a joy. My friend Dana and I went to Pikes Perk for over two hours yesterday and our conversation was so refreshing, raw, real, and wonderful. I hadnt had a conversation that uplifting in a long time and to be honest, I cant believe I didnt get a ticket for my expired meter (by like an HOUR).

My recent motivation:  we don’t have the race picked out yet, but there are three options my friend Rachael and I are looking at. There is a tri in September in San Diego, an adventure tri in Monument in April, or a 1/2 Marathon in June. I’m seeing the 1/2 as the most likely, especially since a 1/2 is specifically a resolution I have for this year. The adventure tri is my first choice, but it requires a ton of gear I dont have and so I have to look into whether or not I can borrow it.

My Savior: He is teaching me, guiding me, holding me and sanctifying me in such tangible ways as of late. I am so grateful and humbled.

And now I’m thankful to be awake to see the awesome sunrise and to continue the next six hours of my day helping feed people’s caffiene addictions.

And it is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, in all knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ (Phil 1:9-10).

Noelle

I’m not just a barista anymore……. i’m a NANNY. And my first day little Tariku tied me into my hood and pinned me down on the kitchen floor. His mom took a picture.

Three beautiful children. One adopted from Ethiopia with the cutest, sweetest dimples and most precious hugs a nanny could ask for.

And he might just be the knot master.

I’ll be HOME for Christmas :)

I’ll be back in Minnesota in 5 days… REALLY!?

I am so blessed when I think about the Lord’s faithfulness and how He has brought me to where I am. He has lead me so clearly.

Last night I attended an event called “Christmas Around the World” at Compassion International. I took my new roommate, Monica, and we had such a great time! It was an international event to both celebrate the true meaning of christmas and also to celebrate diversity! And DIVERSE, it WAS! There were probably 20 plus countries represented. The program was basically a time for several different countries to get up on stage and perform some sort of song in their native tongue, or a dance, or whatever. We saw Nepal, India (multiple areas of India), Ghana, and Romania! It was beautiful. So many of the people there looked like they had stepped right out of a national geographic magazine!

I sat next to a couple that are workers in North Africa. The guy I met looked just like santa clause and he blew me away when he opened his mouth and I discovered he was a born Arab! He was from Lebannon and although white, he is in every way culturally arab. He spoke Arabic fluently and I was blessed to get to sit down with him and his wife (mostly talked to his wife) and hear as much as they could share about their lives in North Africa and how they got to where they are. The couple across from us were from  Iran… and boy did they have a story!

I’m so looking forward to going home. I’m excited to meet my nieces, see my entire family, spend quality time with my best friends, spend time actually WITH Steve, go out to bubble tea, watch some of my closest friends get married, and go back to Bethlehem. It’s going to fly by, I already know, but I hope to make every moment deeply worth it. I’ll see so many of you SOON!!

Noelle

Observations about Colorado Springs from a local Minnesotan:

1. Everyone and their mom is military.

2. The city thought it would be hilarious to have a contest to see who could make getting from one side of the city to the other as time consuming as possible…aka: let’s put a million stop lights in.

3. Highway 24 is the best option for the impulsive i-don’t-know-where-to-go-but-i-need-to-drive roadtrip. It will take you from downtown Colorado Springs, through Woodland Park, Buena Vista, Breckenridge, Vail and beyond.

4. Mate Factor. Go!!! Experience the shire. And a mate latte (if you like mate, which I dont, but the name sure is fun. Otherwise try their mate bars or something)

5. Everyone snowboards or skis. If you don’t, be prepared to give an appropriate excuse as to why and to (possibly) be a bit lonely in the winter when everyone goes to the slopes for weekends…..

6. Waldo Canyon is a fantastic hike. 6.2 miles with some steady inclines, amazing views of pikes peak and the city, and also a great running trail. It’s my fave.

7. you will see Olympic athletes here… especially if you come to Raven’s Nest, where the Olypmic Training Center is just a few blocks away. My boss hit on a triathlete the other day (she’s hilarious), and the triathalon coach comes in every morning for a triple shot americano… to name a few

8. No, you will not see Michael Phelps. I apologize.

10. Garden of the Gods really isnt overrated. It’s beautiful. I suggest straying from the paved sidewalks though (unless you’ve never been before) and really digging into the trails to get some awesome views of the park and the mountain range. I suggest trail running the Scotsman trail–it’s my favorite

That’s all I have for now More observations will be made in the upcoming months I’m sure. I am still a Colorado newbie, but loving the exploration!

My move to Colorado wasn’t as stretching as another option may have been–like moving to Nepal or something like that. Nonetheless I have been thrown into a life that is detached from a life I once knew. Today, I long for the friendships I had there. I see their value. I see how deep they are, how loving, how kindred they were. The Lord has graciously given me that here, too, in a way.

This isn’t me speaking from a discontented heart. I’m happy here. If I went back home, I guess I don’t even knwo if things would still be the same. But I still miss beautiful people …..

So Dana–I miss having the deepest talks of my life with you–being understood by you, heard by you, and indulging in beer and cheese with you.
Ruth–I miss your true friendship. I miss your beautiful smile and your incredibly affirming, excitable character. I miss your hugs, and simple times with you.
Charles–I miss your genuine heart, your encouragement, and especially your epic laugh. I miss talking life with you over coffee, brother.
Emily–I miss everything about you. Bubble tea addiction-dates, heart-conversations, your counsel, your wisdom, your devotion to me as my friend and sister.
Anika–though we talk nearly every other day, I truly miss your presence. I miss your joy, your honest, your excitable nature, and your intentionality. I miss our runs from this fall especially.
Alissa–I miss our random of most random times together, our talks over Indian food, our coffee dates, and our hearts bonding over boy problems. You are a treasure, and I miss you.
Nicole–I miss walking the streets of Grand Ave with you…whether for Bubble Tea or Whole Foods, I miss going on runs with you, talking in your apartment, cooking with you, talking life with you….. I took you for granted, and now that I’m away from you I realize you are a treasure as a sister, and I love you.
Mom–I know I sought to NOT take you for granted, and I dont think I did my last few months at home. But I still miss you. I miss your hugs, our face-to-face coffee dates, and when seeing you was always available to me. I miss hearing your piano.
Steve–surprisingly I do not miss hiking with you, or epic moments in the mountains with you, but I miss the simple. I miss making lunch for you, talking with you face-to-face, going on runs with you, and going on REAL dates with you. I miss leaving notes on your car, playing guitar with you, and being around people together.

I’m enjoying Colorado. I’ve had so many amazing times in the mountains, so many great relationships develope, and so many times for the two combined. My coffee shop job is a delight. But tonight… as I sit in my apartment after an entire day of being social social SOCIAL…. I long for one thing: home.

And whether or not that gets fulfilled, it doesn’t matter. I’m only writing it to say it… to express it… to tell myself that it’s okay to feel it.

And it is.

This is a picture from a great hike I went on yesterday. I took me, myself and I to Waldo Canyon.  It was beautiful. B-e-a-u-tiful! It started at 7,000 feet and began with a steady incline, then evened out after the first mile. It went through some nice valleys where I got to see the colors in the Aspen (see below).

Eventually it ascended into some rocky parts and started to curve me deeper into the actual mountains where I hit a couple of streams and boulders! Then, after I walked for a long time, I started getting higher and higher and then all of a sudden I was (apparently) in Waldo Canyon… and the view was incredible!

And the view kept getting better as the clouds around Pikes Peak were getting lower towards the Peak, and the sunset began to come out. The path eventually curved to the otherside of the mountain and I got a great view of my city

It was lovely, and especially lovely to do on my very own for an evening. It took just over two hours and climaxed at 8,300 feet I recommend this hike to anyone.